Are you sick of spending your weekend nights on internet message boards, complaining about how Hollywood keeps messing up your favorite Superhero Movies? Starting to get a little rusty in Magic the Gathering or Dungeons and Dragons? Well let me guess, the last time YOU got any action was when you were staring at your Slave Leia poster with a jar of Vaseline…. Am I getting close? Just because you’re a nerd doesn’t mean you have to spend every weekend fiddling with your tube steak. Nerds are entitled to foxy young bombshells just as much as those meathead jocks. By following the “Nerd Guide to Scoring Sexy Babes” even a pizza faced geek like yourself can make some bacon with an unsuspecting dame.
First and foremost, stop saying your pick up lines in Klingon. For one, chicks hate Star Trek, they are more in tune with the Star Wars universe. So try doing a deep Wookie belly growl, Chewbacca style. Bitches love Chewy because he is tall, dark haired and has a hairy chest. If you remind the Hunnys of Chewbacca, you may get your future mating partner warm and tingly in all the right places.
The most important thing in picking up some bodacious babes is to know how to talk to them, because each girl wants to hear something different before they’ll let you slide your wee-wee in her poo-nany. You can’t just walk into the club and say the same thing to each girl until you start rockin’ the back seat. You have to identify who you are talking to, and then act accordingly. Identifying has nothing to do with understanding her personality, its simply looking at them and stereotyping. It’s very simple, and since all the females want your throbbing meat all you have to do is say the right thing.
For example, if you want to do the nasty with a Blonde you have to keep in mind: All Blondes are Stupid… recent studies at Oxford show that over 90% of Blondes are Stupid. You must use this stupidity to your advantage. These bimbos don’t want to hear about your stamp collection or you Xbox Achievements, Blondes love sex. They want you to tell them about huge cocks, so use your nerdiness to fool them. Tell a blonde your penis is 3 meters long. They are too stupid to really know how long 3 meters is, they will get too hot for sex, and when you take your pants off they will assume that your 4 inch pecker is actually 3 meters. Once you get that far your home free to play the bongos on her behind.
Not into Blondes you say? More of a Brunettes kind of guy? Even easier when you know exactly what to say. Brunettes are into money and power, tell a Brunette that you wrote a famous sex book because you’re a sex doctor. They will think your rich and know a lot about sex. Bam! Money in the Bank.
Red Heads? These scandalous ho’s like to feel good about themselves since they are so rare. Tell a Red Head that she has “Hot Tits” and a “Bangin Butt”. She will think that you are really sweet. Once you get to that point, tell her you would really like to stick your love bone in her mouth. It will sound like poetry to her ears.
Chubby Chaser? BIG GIRLS like BIG ATTITUDES. Tell a big girl that you want sex, and if she doesn’t give you sex that you’re going to smack her big old booby and bite her big ass. She will probably be in shock. Once she comes back to her senses she will be pudding in your lap.
Want a black girl? Beautiful chocolate women are very tricky. You will probably be inclined to start talking ghetto to try to hook up with a hoochie mama hood rat. But you should try to say the opposite, black girls hear hood shit every day. They want to do the horizontal hip toss with an educated man. Instead of saying words like Boner or Cum try using proper words like Erection, Ejaculate such as: “Dear Ebony beauty, I would like to put my Erection in your Moist Vagina until I Climax”
Asian, Hispanic, Arabic and Multi-Racial girls are all grouped into 1. These whores don’t like to talk, instead look one of these girls in the eye and start doing a hip thrust in the air in her direction. This will show that you are interested in having sexual intercourse with them. Once they come over to talk to you, tell them that you are not a nerd and pinch their butt. This is custom in their culture. You will find yourself waking up in her bed. Trust me.
With this walkthrough you are sure to bone your way to happiness this weekend. So go forth, young padawan. Use this knowledge and score some sexy sweethearts.