a facetious breakdown of ufc 132

UFC 132 is set to take place this Saturday at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The main event is a a re-match showdown between the bantamweight champion Dominick Cruz and the former featherweight champion Urijah Faber.  The card is shaping up to be quite promising, as the matches are filled with some interesting fighters.  Here is my facetious breakdown and predictions of the event:

Dennis Siver vs. “Handsome” Matt Wiman
The opening match of the card features two go-for-broke lightweights.  Dennis Siver with his comically oversized head is coming off of one of the biggest upsets of the year, defeating top-contender George Sotiropoulos in his native country of Australia at UFC 127.  On the other end, Wiman is coming into this fight after registering perhaps the greatest performance of his career, in a fast-paced, one-sided beatdown of Cole Miller.  I really mean it, it was total ownage.  In that fight, Wiman was like a freaking energizer bunny. When the match concluded after the third round, he looked like he just woke up from a nice nap.  This fight has “Fight of the Night” written all over it, as both of these guys likes to trade and neither has registered a boring fight since entering the UFC.  In this fight, I’m going with Wiman.  I think he has the better overall game, cardio, and chin.  Plus, he is not disadvantaged from a disproportionately large head.  Siver is like a walking target.
Prediction:  Wiman via decision.

Carlos “The Natural Born Killer” Condit vs. Dong-hyun Kim
The follow-up match will be in the welterweight division and pits the last WEC 170lb champion Carlos Condit against the undefeated Korean, Dong-hyun Kim (yes, his name is Dong).  This will be a battle of styles.  Although Carlos is an all-around MMA fighter, he does his best work when standing up.  Dong on the other hand is more of a grappler.  In this fight, chances are viewers will see Dong all up on Carlo’s face, trying to smother him to the ground and working to choking him out, while Carlos will definitely try to avoid Dong and keep the fight standing.  With a good performance, either one of these guys could be in line for a title shot at boring GSP, assuming he gets past Nate Diaz.
Prediction:  Carlos via decision

Tito “The Hunnington Beach Badboy” Ortiz vs. Ryan “Darth” Bader
The third match of the night will pit UFC hall-of-famer Tito Ortiz against the winner of the season 8 winner of TUF, Ryan Bader.  This fight is either going to suck hard or is going to be quick and awesome.  Tito is completely out-matched in this fight, as Bader is younger, stronger, and a better wrestler.  Chances are, Bader will bumrush Ortiz and call it an early night or it’s going to be a drag-out, sitting on top of one-another kind of match.  Knowing our luck, it will probably be the latter, except it will be Bader doing the pounding.  I really hope this will be Ortiz’s last fight.  The guy is old.  It would be so cool if maybe after he loses this fight, Donald Trump could walk into the Octogan and say “you’re fired”, like he did on Celebrity Apprentice.   On a side note: I wonder if Bader has to pay copyright fees to George Lucas for his nickname.  I really think he should change that nickname to perhaps something more comical, like maybe “master”.
Prediction:  Bader via TKO, round 1.

Wanderlei “The Axe Murderer” Silva vs. Chris “The Crippler” Leban
Talk about an awesome co-main event.  Two guys who are going to go out there and punch each other in the face a gazillion times over.  On one side, you have Silva, who not only resembles but actually sort of fights like a gorilla.  On the other you have Leban, a guy who is clearly a moron, but sure knows how to punch people in the face really well.  Both of these guys are personal favorites of mine and I really don’t want to see either lose.  However, since I have to make a prediction, I’m going to go with Leban, since Silva is at the twilight of his career and haven’t fought in over a year.  No matter who wins, viewers will know this fight won’t be the usual 15-minute hump fests that we commonly see.
Prediction:  Leban via KO, round 3

Dominick Cruz vs. Urijah Faber
The five-round main event at UFC 132 will be for the Bantamweight Championship of the World.  It’s a match between a guy with what I like to call a “butt-chin” and another dude who fights with a stereotypical skinny person style: running around a lot hoping not to die.  Seriously, that’s how Cruz fights.  He’ll run in, punch a dude real fast and then take off.  Faber, although tiny himself, relies more on his deformed chin to distract his opponents (I wonder if Faber is the long lost child of Jay Leno?).  What fans should expect to see out of this fight is a whole lot of fast in-and-out action (giggidy!).  Both of these guys have a tremendous set of tools and both can get the job done.  However, I highly doubt either one will finish.  It will likely go all five rounds, but at least it should be exciting.
Prediction:  Cruz via decision

About Ping Zhou

Social scientist, traveler, nerd.
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1 Response to a facetious breakdown of ufc 132

  1. Trev says:

    “Carlos will definitely try to avoid Dong”

    Good strategy, and one that I employ everyday myself.

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