This scene didn’t make it, but foreshadowed a lot of awesome
It’s still January, so I can still post lists right? In that vein I’m posting my list of my favorite scenes from TV in the past year. I’m limiting myself to one per series (so this entire list doesn’t become full of Archer and Game of Thrones)…so here goes….oh and SPOILERS (duh)
Historically, teddy bears have been viewed rather positively. They’re cuddly, soft, cute, and they can protect our children from the boogie monster. However, times are changing, and in contemporary society, teddy bears are starting to become rather wicked.
For over a decade, the undisputed bad-boy-bear has been Pedobear, a jolly looking creature who has an uncontrollable fetish for children. But Pedobear’s reign has since become threatened when cartoon producer Seth MacFarlane decided to manufacture a bad teddy bear of his own named, Ted, to challenge Pedobear for pop-culture dominance. The world is certainly only large enough for one bear, so let’s pit these two teddy-titans together in a Deadliest Warrior-style combat simulation to see who will reign supreme.
VS 
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Pedobear |
Ted |
Rationale |
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Creep Factor |
X |
Most people’s bark is worse than their bite and this is certainly the case for Ted. He is loud, swears, and says inappropriate things, but at least you know exactly what is going through his head. It’s always the quiet ones that you have to worry about. Pedobear’s silence definitely out-creeps Ted’s loud mouth.
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Combat Skills |
X |
The world has yet to see what Pedobear is capable of in the combat department. For all we know he could destroy Chuck Norris, but because there is no data here, we cannot accurately evaluate him. Ted, on the other hand has proven his power, dismantling a muscled-up Mark Walberg during their previous fight.
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Threat to Society |
X |
Although Ted’s drinking and marijuana addiction clearly has a bad influence on society, Pedobear’s obsession with children is far worse, since we care more about adorable kids than we do stupid tight-pants wearing, pot smoking, hipsters. Plus, it seems many of the most f-ed up people are those with scars rooted in childhood.
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Seduction |
X |
X |
Tied, since each deals with a different demographic. Pedobear is irresistible to children, but Ted has proven he has what it takes to get in with the ladies.
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Popularity |
X |
Pedobear has been around longer, but he is still very much unknown and misunderstood by the vast population- although one could argue subtlety is an advantage when it comes to securing one’s objective. Due to the massive marketing capabilities of Universal Studios, Ted has quickly become a global image and name. As history has proven, it’s not always the strongest person that has the most power, it’s the most popular person.
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Influence |
X |
So far, Ted has only dished out crude and rude jokes. He make us laugh, but influences us very little. Pedobear on the other hand has found a way to infiltrate the global news media, the Olympics (http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01573/bear_1573909c.jpg), and even President Obama (http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/obama-pedobear.jpg). Pedobear is clearly more influential.
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Cuteness |
X |
Let’s face it; we live in a very superficial world where sex sells. The pretty people are usually the ones with the most control over us. This is a rather difficult category to judge, since attractiveness is a subjective matter. One could argue Pedobear is more attractive since women tend to prefer men who are taller. But overall, we have to give a slight edge to Ted, since he looks more like a standard cute teddy bear and we know for-a-fact that he at least bathes and grooms.
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Speed |
X |
Ted has small legs, how fast could he possibly be? |
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Athleticism |
X |
Ted has small legs, how athletic could he possibly be? Pedobear on the other hand loves football. We know this because he was recently spotted at a Penn State game.
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Winner: Pedobear!
Out of a simulated 100 battles, Pedobear came out victorious 62% of the time. Sorry MacFarlane, but it looks like Pedobear will be holding onto his championship belt for quite some time.
got my good eye on you.
11:00am – 12:00pm @ Room 25ABC
X-Play
2:00pm – 3:00pm @ Room 7AB
Before and After: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Journey into High Definition
3:45pm – 4:45pm @ Room 6A
Image: The Walking Dead
4:45pm – 5:45pm @ Hall H
The Expendables 2-Real American Heroes
6:00pm – 7:00pm @ Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront
RiffTrax Live
Day 1 of Comic-Con may not contain some of the high-profile events Day 2 is slated for, but it’s not without a few standouts. I obviously won’t be able to do all of this, but if I can get up early enough to sneak into the X-Play panel, walk the floor for a bit then make it through the sure to be horde-sized Walking Dead comic book panel line, I’ll be stoked. And any night that includes either the MST3K guys or Stallone, Lundgren, Arnold and Van Damme can be considered a successful one.
My night will capped off with some zombie-related antics at Petco (http://www.thewalkingdeadescape.com/). Bound to be more exciting than when the Padres play there. Though likely with the same number of people meandering around glassy-eyed with a bad case of the munchies.
The second season of HBO’s Game of Thrones has come to a close, leaving us with an unfortunate nine or so months bereft of epic medieval battles, scheming dwarves, fire-breathing dragons and near constant nudity. In the meantime, we can relive the glory that was the second season, with this special look at which characters reigned supreme this year. So here is my take on which characters were the best of the past season. It should be noted this is my opinion, and my opinion alone – I know for a fact that not all of the Culture Wedge staff will agree with. But to hell with them…I’m right!
If you’re one of the ten or eleven people that still haven’t seen The Avengers yet, but do intend to, do yourself a favor and skip this column, cause we’re getting into heavy spoiler territory. If, however, you’ve already seen the film like a normal, decent person, allow me to share with you something that’s been bugging me about the whole thing…
If there’s one thing nerds love, it’s a good old fashioned nerd-debate. And for the past couple months, one debate in particular has dominated nerd circles – Battle Royale vs. The Hunger Games. We certainly couldn’t let this go unnoticed here, so join us as Culture Wedge contributors Ping (Team Battle Royale) and Trev (Team Hunger Games) step into the arena and fight to the death…or at least just have a civilized debate about two popular novels.
*This post contain spoilers
I am no fan of tacos. Never have been, and don’t get me started on the foul smelling Fish Taco. Since I was a young boy I have always found myself more satisfied by wrapping my lips around a nice warm, plump hot dog. Sure there was a time in college when I tried a taco here and there after a night of long night of drinking, but it just isn’t for me…. until I met the Dorito Taco from Taco Bell.
You’ve seen and heard it happen. Maybe you’ve even been part of it yourself. It’s that moment at the end of the trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation, when we get the big reveal of Bruce F’n Willis, and the whole audience goes absolutely ape-shit. And why not? It’s really freaking cool to see Bruce Willis, right? And in a G.I. Joe movie? This is awesome!
Except, today it finally occurred to me – is it really? For that matter, why are we still excited about Bruce Willis at all anymore?
